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How to Deepen the Connection with Your Partner

How to Deepen the Connection with Your Partner

Relationships have been tested over the last few years and couples have been spending more time together but not necessarily quality time. Reports show that divorce rates have been on the rise since the start of the pandemic and it appears to be continuing.

So how do couples keep the spark alive while deepening the connection with each other? Here are some tips on how to reconnect with your partner and make Valentines 2023 special.

Take Some Solo Time to Deepen Your Connection with Self

This might sound counter-intuitive for how to deepen your connection with your partner, yet it is the first and most important thing to do.  We can only go as deep with another human-being based on how deep we go with ourselves. We can only love and connect with another based on how deep the well of self love and connection goes within.

Most couples who are unhappy feel it is the other who makes them unhappy.  The most important thing is to find your happiness first, love yourself first then you will be able to bloom in a relationship. The more you cultivate your own self-love, you will raise your vibration and your relationship will shift because of it. And it will shift the way it needs too.

Cultivating a deeper sense of peace and love can be as simple as taking some quiet time for yourself daily.

For example:

  • Journaling
  • Meditating
  • Reading
  • Anything that fills your energetic cup

It is important to express your desire for self-care so that your partner can honour that request, and vice versa.

Emotional Intimacy

Fostering emotional intimacy is as important, if not more important than physical intimacy. We have been starving for emotional intimacy and one of the most powerful ways to foster this is by taking time to connect with no distractions.  That means putting the device away, turning the TV off and actually talking.  The best gift you can give another is the gift of your PRESENCE.

Emotional intimacy is something we should cultivate daily. One of the best ways to do this is to lean into your vulnerability and express your fears and ask them about theirs, share your dreams and goals for this upcoming year. Taking time to talk about the deeper things in life and not just “what’s for diner”  will help the keep the connection deep.  However, the key to remember here is people only want to share and will feel safe to be vulnerable when you are present with them and not distracted. Being present shows you care.


Prioritize Each Other

You can only bloom what you choose to nourish.

It is very easy for couples to put their relationship on the backburner especially when the kids are young.  However, the long term effects of this can be detrimental.  Ask yourself how we as a couple are nourishing this relationship. What is important to us both. For one it might be quality time, for another it could be random acts of kindness.  A great book to read is ‘The 5 Love Languages’ by Gary Chapman. It can help you find your, and your partner’s love language so you can better understand how to connect with one another and what is important to each.

Consider date nights; couples can be creative and have some fun when organizing date night, whether it be a night out or stay at home. If you have kids, this can be something simple like ordering a pizza for the kids and having a candle light dinner together while the kids are distracted with their favourite movie. It’s all about the intention you put behind it. Do you enjoy cooking together? Is there an activity that you can both enjoy doing together?

The most important thing is to remember that your relationship is a priority. When you both decide it is then you will be more mindful on how you nourish it so it can continuously bloom. If you feel you have gotten off track and are feeling disconnected it is ok because you can focus on what you do want to feel and make some changes to take steps towards a deeper connection.

One of the things we always do in our home is remind each other that we are a team, and we have each others back.  This simple reminder when things feel off can help to get you back on track.

Lastly, connecting with your partner is not just about Valentine’s Day, it is about making each other and your relationship a priority all year.

And when you prioritize yourself first, I promise you will have more to give to your partner and also you increase your capacity to receive more love.

Check out Julie’s book “Me First” for more on how to prioritize yourself, for deepening your connections with others.



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